That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
