Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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