someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
