actually, I'm a sock model
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
