Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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