i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
