eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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