I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My cat gives me a boner
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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