I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
