3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
