I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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