I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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