Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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