do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
