I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
