Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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