i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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