My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
