he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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