so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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