you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
