it was like his penis was on wheels.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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