Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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