Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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