I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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