If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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