gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I won the penis lottery.
someone owes me an orgasm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
