Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
