yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
