we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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