Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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