I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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