They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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