I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
