So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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