these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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