he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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