this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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