Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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