you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
