wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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