If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
