I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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