There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
