Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
