I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
