here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
