Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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