I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
