thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
