WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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