In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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