Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
