...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
