dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize