All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I party with great urgency now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
