Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
