wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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