A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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