you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
