Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
