I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
