What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
