I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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